Inspired?

I have been in an up and down funk. I get an idea I love and a day later I hate it. But this is all part of the process right? Find what you like and find what you really don’t like. The problem is that I really don’t hate it or dislike it. It just isn’t finished. It isn’t perfected but I still want to share it even though I know I shouldn’t. But I want to. Fuck.

Going from positive artist who just lives to be inspired to a crazed lunatic is an interesting change in emotion. You get to the point where you think you’ve got it down and bam! Just like that you’re back to ground zero. And people go to school in pursuit of becoming an artist? This is what they want in life? They want to be annoyed, frustrated, hate what they do just to love what they are doing? The character of Rob Gordon in High Fidelity asks the question “What came first? The music or the misery?” Well in art it is a simple, the misery came first and then came more misery, a brief moment of what you think is happiness and then more misery. But then the misery makes you happy. Creativity is a bitter mistress who loves to mess with your mind, heart and then rock you to the core.

Is this why we keep pushing forward? Chasing the mistress we cannot catch only to fall flat on our faces and love the result only to feel abandoned by our muse in our time of need. I’m rambling, but this is the stage where I have to ramble. It is a requirement.

To be honest, I am still very positive. I have bounced back and forth on the idea of AI, photography, music, mixing them all together and even throwing them all away. Some days I do not have a clue which direction I am heading in. This leads me to my other thought. Maybe I am supposed to be confused and want to create in several different mediums no matter how crazy it makes me. This, unfortunately, makes the most sense of it all.

Now comes the current final decision. I am just going to run with my craziness. Embrace the madness and do whatever my heart wants. Sounds good right? Now lets just see if I can see it through. Art is my drug of choice apparently. The highs, the lows, the changing baseline and the fact that I do spend every cent on it clearly shows an addiction problem. But please do not request an intervention because art is life. Even when people do not consider what I do as art, to me (and thankfully to my customers) it is.

I may not be famous, I am definitely not rich but I am lucky. I get to create every day. I get to push my own boundaries and come up with wonderful pieces and total shit all at the same time.

Life is good. Frustration happens and we deal with it. Most of the time. I am now off to chase my muse once again. I have no clue where she is, but she is out there. Probably stuck in my head with the rest of the ideas I cannot get out. Maybe she is holding them back for another day? Or maybe I should just turn the key and let it all out?

Inspiration is a cruel trick as well. Inspiration makes you hope, dream and create and then it leaves you high and dry never knowing if it will return. It is like getting the girl in high school you dreamed of to go out with you and she says yes but then is 15 minutes late to the dance and you’re left wondering if you’re stood up or if she’s fashionably late. This is my 15 minutes and I’m in the middle of wondering if I am stood up or if this is going to be the best night of my life. I’ll let you know how it turns out. 😉

Old Habits

I had a blog years ago where I posted every day. I also included a new image every day. While this worked great for exposure to new people it also kept me inspired to create new work constantly.

There was a philosophical purpose to my art. Just create something every day. It didn’t have to be good or great or even something I would show to anyone. It was just about the creative process and to keep my mind active in this process. Dedication does not have to mean perfection. Dedication is just about putting the time in and working on it every day.

For the past week I have felt more like my old self again. During Covid I opened my little art shop. Unfortunately a very good friend of mine was dying from a terminal illness and I had to become his caregiver. During the pandemic nursing was nearly impossible to get and the last thing he or I wanted was for him to end up in a nursing facility where he would basically die alone. So I closed my shop most of the time and took care of my friend.

This took a greater toll on my than I had thought. After he passed away I reopened the shop and I struggled to get back to normal. I thought it was other things distracting me, but I think my perspective changed and I also stopped creating just to create. I was focused on too many things that didn’t matter. When my friend passed away he wanted to leave me everything, money, property etc…. It wasn’t just for me but it was for others as well. His family thought otherwise and took most of the money and whatever else they could. My friend had a trust and thought he had made preparations for all of this but no, the family he had counted on to do the right thing did the exact opposite. And I was in the middle of this fight. This sucked the creative life right out of me.

It has been about two and a half years since his death and this is all finally settled. It wrapped up a little over a month ago and I am just now feeling back to normal. I noticed the creative flow coming back and I didn’t realize why until now. I learned something about myself. I can do a lot of things when I am stressed out. I can take care of others, I can manage a business, I can live a productive life. But I cannot create. I cannot think like an artist. I don’t even have the desire to push myself to learn more about my craft.

Last week I was reading something my friend had written. It was about how he discovered digital art and how it changed his life. This is something we had in common. We were both photographers, artists, writers and we both had an affection for mixed media art. This is what got me back on the right path.

Frustration and stress can take a lot away from you. When you find what takes it away and what makes you happy, do that as much as you can. Trust me. It is worth it. I know my artwork isn’t for everyone. But it is for me and my sanity. For all we know we only have this one life, so I’m going to continue living it the best way I know how. And yes I’ll be writing on here a lot more!

Ai fashion

Lost and Found

This has been a weird year. While working on the online store I found that I liked a lot of what I was doing but was a little uninspired by some of the work. So I have been redoing everything over and over. Nothing like overthinking and over analyzing your own work. Maybe I’m an artist maybe I’m just still checking undecided on my college application.

I do believe the only consistent thing I do is to be inconsistent. I bounce from idea to idea like a 3 year old picking his favorite toy. It is not ADD, I’ve been checked. I think it is more of I just want to do too much!

During these last few months there have some incredible advances in the art world. A little thing people are calling AI. Yes, artificial intelligence. Just like Alice I have wandered my way down this rabbit hole. This is part of the reason I have been behind on blog posts, Instagram posts, new art and I have also changed the whole online store. Good thing I have my work inside of the coffeehouse because otherwise I would be broke!

This will be an Etsy store as I have art prints, digital downloads, custom shirts and so much more. Etsy seems to be the best way to sell online because of the vast number of different images and products I come up with. Yes, I am that random.

Now this is the part of the blog where I sound like an asshole. I was a professional photographer for over 2 decades. I was agency approved by all the major model agencies in LA and they would send top tier models to me for test shoots. Meaning nobody got paid and we all got images to use for our portfolios to get more work. It was commonplace for models and photographers to work like this. But then it all changed.

The internet ruined this practice. Suddenly many models, well, they wanted too dollar when they had no experience and really not good portfolios. Now I’m not saying I should always be paid, and I’m not saying models do not deserve to be paid. But if you do not have experience, in anything, you need to work your way up to too dollar. So long story short, I stopped photographing models. I did meet some great models over the years and have worked with them since my retirement. The good ones are always worth working with. But now I have something that may be a replacement. AI.

Yes, I have been creating new work via AI. Replicating model shoots. Creating anime. Creating a whole new body of work! I am deep down in this rabbit hole and loving it! Some of this work is out there and some is just fun. I will be showcasing more of it here on this site and today is the first example of what I have been up to.

My current motto is “nothing is real but everything is for sale!” I was lost and now I am found. At least for the moment!

This image is of an artificially created person who doesn’t exist. I have already created numerous images of her (not all nude with big fake breasts) and I am working with many different programs and applications to get the images just right. I’m sure there will be a revision of this image in the near future.

I am also working on anime, this is a new world to me as I am not really a fan of the movies and have watched very little of it. But this possibly gives me a new perspective on how to create anime characters. Or I’ll fail miserably, either way it will be a new experience.

Then there is a cross over type of AI. Where I combine actual photographs with more than one form of AI image generation. This is where it gets tricky because I have to be more specific in my descriptors. The use of vocabulary is essential when creating these images. You can end up with exactly what you wanted or nothing close to what you wanted!

I am still learning and still pushing my own boundaries. Thanks for being here for the journey!

ONline Store coming soon!

I have been hard at work building my online store! I am hoping to have it finished by the end of this month. This is where you can find my photography, mixed media art, paintings as well as the books and artwork of Victor Godot. I have so many pieces to upload to the site that it is taking me longer than expected to get everything done.

As much as I loved having a brick and mortar shop (which is not 100% gone to be honest, but more on that later) I am really enjoying the online method of selling! Once I have it all updated I’m sure I’ll be even happier!

More art will be on the way soon too! So much good news, it just feels good getting creative again.

I may begin posting here daily, this is still up in the air as far as my time goes, but I have so much new work planned that I need a place to talk about it so it will be here, and maybe YouTube and definitely Instagram! @houseofpositivevibes if you don’t already follow.

For now here is a glimpse of some new work which may be new to you. 🙂

Juno by Taj

New Year

2023 is bringing me lots of joy already. I have closed the shop in Palm Springs and I am currently working on my new studio space near Joshua Tree! I am switching up my store to be mostly online but I will also be doing some pop up shows here and there.

What else does the New Year bring? I am finally incorporating many different varieties of art into my work. I will also be diving more into conceptual art and have some big plans for some random pieces which will be placed in some very cool locations!

Good news is that I am still gallery represented as well as having my online store so the art route is definitely the path I wish to take.

I’ll be posting more here as well and continue to push my own limits as an artist!

Retirement

When I was younger I always said I was going to retire at the age of 51. Kind of a random number to pick, but I swore I was not going to be working a job just to pay the bills when I was in my second half of life. My high school teachers thought I was crazy and some expected me to have a meaningless job for the rest of my life because they didn’t think I could live the life I had planned out for myself.

Well, my entire adult life has been a mixture of being an artist, a photographer, a carpenter, a musician and several other odd jobs and trades along the way. Most of my adult life, all but about 5 years of it, I have been self employed. I took jobs as lead carpenter, foreman, manager for construction companies. My father was a contractor so I knew how to run a job site, but these jobs weren’t for me. The contractors who hired me to be an artist were my favorite jobs. I’d come in and build custom doors or do woodwork which had to be done on site and was something which they said “nobody else can do”….. those were the best gigs.

Being a musician took me to some very cool places as well. From doing session work for professional bands to being a “hired gun” guitarist for bands trying to get signed to ending up being the lead guitarist for a band out of New York City for the last 17 years on and off. I have played sold out shows at killer venues in NYC and most recently The Roxy in LA. I’ve recorded albums, toured and played small festivals. It has been a blast.

Photography was a whole different journey! Working for fashion magazines, men’s magazines and shooting hundreds (possibly over 1000) weddings and events. So many photo shoots with models and one time I was actually Hugh Hefner’s body double for a photo shoot at the Playboy Mansion. Yep, that happened.

Now that I will be turning 51 this month I have decided to retire. And my retirement gift to myself is my little shop in Palm Springs. I get to be whatever kind of artist I wish to be any day of the week here. If I wish to take pictures that is what I do. If I want to write a song and play it I can do that too. If I want to paint, well the options are endless. Retirement doesn’t mean I will stop doing what I love. It just means I will no longer be doing it for someone else or for the money.

I somehow managed to set myself up for success in spite of what members of my family, some friends and many teachers thought. My wife laughed and said, “you did always say you were going to retire early.” I may have never made a retirement plan, and had no clue how I was going to execute this vague plan in my head, but I made it happen. Sometimes sheer determination overrides logic. This is the story of my life. I make not make sense to everyone, but it somehow works for me.

Here is to retirement and to all of the creativity it unleashes. The shop will be open by the end of September and expect the unexpected.

Rejuvenation

I took a trip to Rome. This is the best thing to happen to me in years. I was unsure and my wife kept pushing for a long vacation in Europe because since the whole pandemic we have not been able to go anywhere really.

I was burned out and feeling a total lack of creativity even when creating new art pieces. This trip has boosted my spirit. My soul is full once again.

It isn’t just the art and people and food, it is the getaway from the norm. Of course the art and culture here definitely are a huge plus. I just feel inspired and empowered.

I sat with an artist in Positano and we discussed art and it was a beautiful experience. I had a photo shoot with a model in Rome two days ago and it went so smooth and I love how the photos turned out. The flow has come back.

This has rejuvenated me back to where I don’t care about the 99 people who don’t understand my art, I just care about the one who does. I am not making art for the 99, I’m making it for myself and the one who gets it.

Almost there

I have been working on the shop for many weeks now. It is almost done. I have donated many items, thrown out what was trash and am now setting up the workshop portion of the shop.

This is where I will be creating new pieces and working on new concepts. I have never fully committed to my conceptual projects quite like this. There has been a lot of back and forth and I have struggled a lot more than I thought I would have solidifying this idea in my head of how I wanted my art space to be. I can’t believe it took me taking everything away and out of the shop more than once just to bring back what I loved and rearrange over and over again. I drove myself (and everyone around me) crazy for the past 6 weeks or so.

Now begins the exploratory phase of unfinished ideas. No guarantees, no promises, just me in a space unleashed. No rules to follow and no listening to advice from others. The only advice I am taking is something I should have taken to heart decades ago.

My elementary school art teacher knew I was a conceptual artist before I ever even thought I could be one. She was my teacher from kindergarten through high school. Yes I grew up in a small town. I remember in 6th grade she loved my choice of colors and how I always took the assignment where I wanted it to go, bending the rules we were given in class. Later she helped me break the rules and encouraged me to keep digging deep into my imagination. And yet for some reason I just didn’t listen. I guess I thought I knew better. Wow, I was so wrong.

I have been a working artist for many years. Not even realizing it at times. My photography and my carpentry and my music have always been incomplete simply because I was playing by the rules I was taught how to break. It is difficult to explain but looking back I can see how contractors hired me for jobs that nobody else could figure out how to do. I created tools and tricks to create custom pieces for their customers. They were works of art, but I just looked at it as work. I did this in everything. I took it for granted.

This ends now. I am officially challenging myself to make the art I want to make. No rules, no one specific medium. It is all one. This chaos is the most serenity I have ever experienced in my life. It is a welcome change.

Soon I will be open to the public again. Who knows what will happen, all I know is I will be happy. I already am just thinking about what I have accomplished in the last few weeks. Here is to new beginnings.

Clickbait

This whole world has messed me up. Honestly, every time I just try to be an artist someone comes along and convinces me I need to make more money, sell more stuff and just be like everybody else. Well, fuck that. This is the last time.

When I first opened House of Positive Vibes I compromised. I should not have. Yes people love some of the retail items in my store. I do too. But several items are things I just don’t want in there. It messes with my vibe. So no more. No more vintage items I don’t like or would not turn into art.

This is my own fault for trying to fit in, when it is quite obvious that I just don’t fit in. And that actually takes away so much anxiety knowing that I don’t fit and I’m so good with that. I may not fit in, but I don’t want to and I have found my place in this world.

When I look at Instagram I see so much of the same thing. I went to Coachella (music festival) and everyone was taking the same selfie, same poses, all trying to fit in. This is when I took a good long look at my life and realized, this isn’t me. Nothing against any of these people who are fitting in, I mean someone has to right?

Maybe every artist has a realization of who they are at different times of their life? I have redefined myself many times. Sometimes I feel like I must be insane or have multiple personalities or something like that. The number of “things” I have been in my life is crazy. Carpenter, photographer, musician, painter, glazier and yet all of these things has been some type of art form. I don’t think this is a coincidence.

My shop is changing again. I have taken away about half of the retail space and opened up the back end as my artist workshop. I have so many new pieces to complete and several that have been completed which will be hanging on the walls hopefully by the end of the week. I am currently closed until the new pieces come in.

Every now and then you have to either reinvent yourself or just embrace who you honestly are at whatever point of life you’re in. If you wish to be part of the ride, hop on in and I have no idea where this ship is going but everyone who wants to be here is welcome to ride along!

Finding Your Place

For many years of my life I have felt misunderstood. And, admittedly, I have a weird sense of humor and a stranger sense of style in the things I like. Just now a woman walked past my shop and saw a t-shirt in the window which reads “Bite Me”. Her response as she walked past, “well that doesn’t seem like a positive vibe to me.” She didn’t take the time to come inside and see what the whole art concept was behind the shirt. But that’s on her. She chooses to not understand, and that really isn’t my problem.

Opening this little shop has made me realize many things about myself. I’m not really a fan of a lot of people. The good ones are amazing, but the rest leave a lot to be desired.

The other thing is that I also get to meet some amazing people. These are people I never would have met without opening this shop. I had a great discussion today with a woman who came into my shop and she had wonderful energy and just a great vibe about her. We discussed psychic ability, concussions, OCD and just an overall conversation about the good things in life.

I’ve been making more art lately, more music too. I’m working on an idea to try and incorporate all of my music, my art and my creative ideas into a singular project. I think I know what I want to do but it is going to take up a lot of my time. I could just hire someone to work here, but that doesn’t always work out. I’m also thinking of changing the location and there is a lot to do to make this happen, but with this change comes more help as it would be connected to another business where I don’t have to be there all the time. But this is still a few months away from happening if it even does.

So what to do? I could chase after that woman and give her the “Bite Me” shirt, and that would be fun. Or I could sit here and just work on my new idea. I like the idea of being productive, pro-active, and yes, despite the shirt, being positive.

Part of finding your place is also finding out where you don’t fit. I don’t think the way a lot of people do. I am a non-conformist and have some different views of society than most people I know. I’ve been told that I am “off the deep end” way too many times in my life to kid myself that I am normal. But that’s okay, the last thing I want to be is normal. It just isn’t my style. If you’re normal, good for you, It just isn’t for me.

Right now my place is hanging out in my shop, watching the window shoppers, meeting some cool people and making more art. And a stoned woman just walked in to my shop, what a perfect way to end this post. This is going to be a good day.